Mom's One Year Milestones

There's nothing better than being Charlotte's mom!

With my baby's first birthday coming in just one week, I've thought a lot about my own "Mommy Milestones." This has been the most enlightening year of my life, and what I consider my milestones are really just some of the most significant moments and memories in my personal journey in becoming and being a mom so far. From the first day I met Charlotte until now, I didn't realize how much I would sacrifice, grow and change. I also didn't realize how quickly I would adjust to not being the most important person in my life anymore. My needs are always second, my few moments of time are always ticking away, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I hope you enjoy my important first time mommy moments that really changed my perspective and strengthened my gratitude.

A Moment of Relief. The moment Charlotte was freed from my body was obviously a HUGE physical relief. But when I looked down and she was purple in the face, I was still worried. She was finally brought to me, and I was instantly in love. Being super emotional and a big crier my whole life . . . I was certain I would ball my eyes out when I first saw Charlotte, but I didn't. I actually don't remember crying in the hospital at all for our three-day stay. Instead, it wasn't until we got in the car to head home with our bundle of joy that I started to cry. I remember telling Josh that the reality of what had just happened was slowly starting to set in, although I think it really took about six months to feel what I would say was "back to normal." We got home from the hospital, and I was sitting, holding Charlotte in a dining room chair in the middle of the living room in order to give us some space from the dogs. I looked at her and said, "I'm so happy you're okay," and started balling again. This time, I was crying because I finally felt that sense of relief from the worry that had been building up since the moment I got pregnant. I expected to feel relieved in the hospital, but it wasn't until I got home that I felt like everything might just work out okay. And so far it's been beyond what I could have ever hoped for.

Five Weeks. There is something about the five-week mark that is still the most significant change in my memory. I feel like things got a lot easier after five weeks. Breastfeeding was no longer so painful, Charlotte started gaining some decent weight and strength, my body was finally healing, and I felt like I was starting to wake up from a cloudy dream of love and sleep deprivation.

Mother's Day/Mom's First Outing. The first time I left Charlotte with her dad and left the house was on Mother's Day of last year. I woke up early with Charlotte and proceeded to get ready, so I could hand her over to her dad. He had set me up a spa manicure and pedicure appointment with a mimosa. To say I was excited was an understatement. I tried really hard not to worry the whole time, although I'm pretty sure I was something short of terrified. When I got home, there was a lot of evidence that Charlotte and her dad had a crazy time while mom was away! His explanation was even more comedic, which amounted to something like, "But you don't understand babe . . . There was shit everywhere!"

Introducing Food. As a breastfeeding mom, one of the best things so far has been introducing food to Charlotte. Not being her primary food source has definitely given me the ability to leave her for work here and there, and I think it's also a huge reason that she has started to sleep better and longer at night. I approached food with so much caution and control, and now it's nice that Charlotte has eight teeth and is eating most anything.

Crib Transition. Charlotte sleeping in her own room for a majority of the night has been a huge step. At first it was really emotional for me to let go, but now I see how we both benefit from it, sleeping much sounder than before. Her schedule has been pretty rock solid, and we still get our cuddle time when she wakes up in the middle of the night.

First Birthday. This one's obvious, because it's the reason I'm writing this post. Not only is this Charlotte's first celebration of her one year on earth, but it's a reminder that this time one year ago, I really had no idea how much this little girl was going to change my life forever. I was listening to a Tool song the other day, and the singer asks what he has done to be worthy of having an angel for a mother. I instantly felt emotional, realizing although I had always related to that sense of pure gratitude for my mother, that being a mother you can also feel unworthy of such a blessing that is a child. And that's how I feel about Charlotte. I feel beyond lucky and appreciative to have her energy and light in my life.

Thank you Charlotte Bae for bringing so much joy into my life and for turning me into a mother. There is no greater job, no honor more meaningful and no love deeper.