Bringing Home the Bacon

The term bringing home the bacon has never had so much meaning to me—especially when you take into consideration that I've been a vegetarian for over 10 years. However, this popular phrase has been on my mind a lot lately, because I am learning how to adjust to no longer being my own bread winner.

At 37+ weeks pregnant, I would be blatantly dishonest if I were to say that I haven't been enjoying my maternity leave. While it's unfortunate that in the United States we're not offered significant compensation when expecting a child, I am currently taking advantage of the little benefits the state does offer. Therefore, I've applied to collect disability for the four weeks prior to my due date, as well as six weeks following the birth of my first child, Charlotte. My partner and baby's father is willing to support me in my time of transition into making less money (or maybe none at all someday). Although I'm extremely grateful, I will surely need to adjust.

It wasn't until I was talking to a friend that I realized how common it is for strong-willed and independent women to find it difficult to surrender their power and trust over to the earnings of their partners. I'm 25-years-old and have worked since I was 15. I have worked full-time, lived on my own and supported myself financially without help since the age of 18. My parents have instilled in me strong work ethic and the confidence that I am more than capable of taking care of myself. It was my dad's wish after seeing his mother stuck in an abusive relationship because of financial dependence (among other things) that his four daughters would never have to rely on anyone but themselves for a roof over their heads and food on the table. Considering my upbringing, I've always been proud to provide for myself, and being somewhat of a control freak at times, knowing I'm capable of earning a decent living has always brought me a sense of comfort.

My fiance and I have been together for almost four years, and he has always been attracted to my self-sufficiency and independence. We're very similar in this way, and I think it may be one of the reasons we're so compatible. Although we have lived together for basically our entire relationship, we've maintained separate bills and bank accounts, and we each take care of different expenses. In 2012 I successfully completed my Bachelor's Degree in Philosophy and have since pursued a career in my passion for writing and editing. Although I've made a decent living, pursuing my dreams did require me to take a significant pay cut from when I was working as a retail manager. I'm grateful that my partner has helped by picking up the check when we go out to dinner, go grocery shopping and other things.

When we found out that we are expecting a child, my fiance and I were both really excited. We immediately began changing our lifestyles in preparation for our baby's arrival into this world. Discussing every plan and option considered when expecting a babe, childcare and working came into the conversation. It was decided that since my hourly wage was not much higher than what we will need to pay someone for childcare, the best option is for me to stay home full-time once the baby is born. This way I can avoid working just to break even once paying for childcare. While I still plan on continuing with my freelance writing careers, in which I can work at home less than part-time, bringing home a check from working 40 hours a week is now going to become a thing of the past—starting now.

As much as this is the best option for my family both financially and personally, I began to feel extremely nervous and unsure about making this huge change in our lives. It wasn't that I worried we would struggle financially—my fiance makes good money, and we live within our means. My biggest fear was that I would no longer be in control of my own finances. My parents may have prepared me to take care of myself, but I was not at all prepared to give my livelihood—my power over to my partner. However, this is what is necessary, so I've been adjusting my attitude towards the situation.

A couple weeks ago, I was chatting with a friend on a sunny afternoon. Our better halves were downstairs installing a car radio for hours, and we were enjoying girl talk in my bright living room. She has two daughters, so we were discussing the expectant arrival of my little girl, and I was asking her a million mommy-to-be questions. She has been a stay-at-home mom for about 10 years now, so I found it the perfect opportunity to include her in my most recent fears of powerlessness. I explained to her how I knew that my partner would provide the family with everything that we need, and that I would be given the freedom to make financial decisions with the money that he was bringing home, but that even after considering all this I was still terrified about relying on him financially. She immediately broke into tears—I had certainly struck a cord.

She began crying softly, wiping her eyes and explaining to me that it can indeed be challenging. Her advice was to talk about my fears—she told me to share how I was feeling with others and she solidified how important it is to let it all out. Right on cue, both the men returned from installing the stereo, and we both sat there in an emotional state trying our best to not look guilty. For just a moment, we were able to share something that I never even knew existed before this changing time in my life—the helplessness that comes with being supported.

And here it is. I've taken her advice—I'm sharing how uncomfortable I am with the idea of being taken care of. However, this discomfort is overpowered by my desire to stay at home with my infant for at least the first couple years.

How do other independent and strong-willed mothers cope with this transition from working full-time to being a full-time mom? Please feel free to share your stories!